Getting engaged is what every single person (dating or not) looks forward to. After the big surprise, you are enthralled by the large or small rock on your finger, and your phone keeps buzzing with congratulatory messages.
You are in a state of excitement, which you cannot explain. However, when the euphoria dies down and you are left alone, you ponder on the next steps that will be leading to marriage.
Here are five common things that people do not tell you about this phase.
From the moment it dawns on you that your partner has made a commitment to loving you forever, you are extremely grateful, but also extremely anxious. You are filled with excitement, yet a tiny piece of fear keeps creeping in.
You get scared that something might go wrong. Maybe your relationship had always been private, but now, with people knowing about it, you begin to feel uncomfortable.
This may not happen every time, but when It does, you consciously fight it off and try to prayerfully reassure yourself that nothing will go wrong. This feeling is normal, and it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you as a couple or your decision to be married.
At this stage, it is necessary to be alert and fight off any negative thoughts because if you don’t, it could rub off on your actions and potentially ruin your engagement.
It is very typical to feel impatient about the big plans you have for the wedding and seeing it all play out. You want the day to appear immediately, first so you can have one of the best days of your life, secondly, so that you would be done and over with it and thirdly so you can get unto the much-anticipated stage called marriage.
You just must tell yourself that the day will come, and all will go well. Sometimes take your mind of the plans, occupy your mind with other things like work, hanging out with friends and reading a lot to prepare for marriage.
3. Family/Societal Pressure
This is probably the most stressful part of being engaged. Your entire family is on your neck about plans and everyone wants to have an opinion on how your wedding should go. Your family analyses your partner’s actions, making you more nervous or scared about your decision.
You are faced with pressure from society to be the perfect couple and have a perfect wedding ceremony and marriage. The groom is faced with the bride price saga which technically stresses the bride out with thoughts of (are they going to chase my husband away with their ridiculous traditional marriage list?).
The list is peculiar to traditional weddings in Nigeria, especially the South and Eastern parts of the country. The best way to deal with this phase is to communicate more with your partner, joke about the events unfolding and ease the tension on each other.
Keep your calm and focus on making your wedding and marriage what you want it to be. Also, never underestimate the power of prayer.
4. Increased Fights With Your Partner
The entire pressure of the wedding can get to you and your partner, and you tend to argue more than ever. This is a normal phase but not one that you would want to share with friends considering that everyone expects you to be very happy.
Some of the fights may spring from low key transferred aggressions from parents’ opinions or concerns. At this time, you and your partner should never forget that you are both under pressure and should be lenient with each other.
Listen more to each other and communicate your true feelings, by choosing your words carefully.
These fights can also be an advantage as you’d tend to understand your partner more before marriage.
5. Cold Feet
Cold feet may not be peculiar to everyone, but it is one of the common feelings couples experience before the wedding. It does not rule out how excited you are about the wedding, it is just a realisation that you are signing up for a life-long commitment that would change your life forever.
You find yourself sometimes imagining what your life would be like, other times you compare yourself to other engaged couples or friends that were married before you, thinking they may be happier than you. This feeling is normal, but you should never dwell on it.
Quickly remind yourself of the reasons why you are taking the step to marriage, remind yourself of why you love each other and how lucky you are to be taking this step.
Cold feet can be a good sign that you recognise the seriousness of what you are about to do but it can also be a danger signal if you are going into marriage for the wrong reasons or with someone you aren’t totally at peace with.
In all, being engaged is a blessing that leads to bigger blessings. Tell us about your engagement stories or experiences in the comment section…